Megan, I think you are the only person who reads this blog, so I wanted to wish you a happy and belated birthday. Will be calling you anyway, but it is now late and I can't call tonight. I hope you had a wonderful day, spent with your favorite fiance. You are lovely and smart and sweet and I feel very lucky to have you for a friend.
Talk soon,
Hilary
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Took roomie's dog for a walk today for the first time since before all the crapola. Very nice time. And kudos to Fen for walking so nicely, most of the time anyway, despite very exciting eats to be found on the ground. Who leaves a pile of canned pineapple on the sidewalk? Junior high kids no doubt. Wouldn't be suprised if my own nephew was somehow involved :)
Okay and wtf is with me and Days of our Lives? Didn't watch for more than 15 years, then have some surgery, get stuck in the house for weeks and you say "hey, lets turn on Days and see what's up". So first few minutes its "who the fuck are any of these people?". Oh wait, there's boring, "been on the show for 30 years" person doing their one line per month, and then back to the strangers. Then all of a sudden....Bo and Carly. Ummmm...excuse me? It is entirely unfair to have people return to the show that you were obsessed with in junior high and then have them get back together. It's sort-of like when you see someone you had an embarrassing crush on in high school. You're all good and friendly and grown up about it and then they do or say something that makes you suddenly become 15 again. Giggling and such. Humiliation, you know? Anyway, so now PVRing Days. And wondering what's up with person i had embarrassing crush on in high school. Not giggling though, that is reserved for times when it would be humiliating to do so, not when alone writing inane blog.
Okay and wtf is with me and Days of our Lives? Didn't watch for more than 15 years, then have some surgery, get stuck in the house for weeks and you say "hey, lets turn on Days and see what's up". So first few minutes its "who the fuck are any of these people?". Oh wait, there's boring, "been on the show for 30 years" person doing their one line per month, and then back to the strangers. Then all of a sudden....Bo and Carly. Ummmm...excuse me? It is entirely unfair to have people return to the show that you were obsessed with in junior high and then have them get back together. It's sort-of like when you see someone you had an embarrassing crush on in high school. You're all good and friendly and grown up about it and then they do or say something that makes you suddenly become 15 again. Giggling and such. Humiliation, you know? Anyway, so now PVRing Days. And wondering what's up with person i had embarrassing crush on in high school. Not giggling though, that is reserved for times when it would be humiliating to do so, not when alone writing inane blog.
Wow, It's 2010.
I'm pretty sure no one reads this anyway, so I've decided to really write it.
Ok, so I've decided that 2010 is the year that exciting things are going to happen. Okay, maybe not even exciting, but at least good, maybe some great. 2009 was not always kind, not usually kind in fact. But in the end, it was the suck of 2009 that may make 2010 the best year yet.
In 2009 I was told I might have cancer. For 2 months I had that just sitting there....cancer.....on my brain. And let me tell you, my brain is very capable of freaking out without extra help. What do you do? What you don't do, fyi, is read anything on the internet. Did you know that ovarian cancer has some pretty bad stats? It does. And also, no one can really say anything to make you feel better. They will try, but mostly you sort-of want them to shut up because they don't know anything and you feel like you're supposed to make them feel better by being comforted by their words. So you sit and you wait and you cry and then you feel stupid for crying because you don't even KNOW for sure.
So then I was admitted to the hospital to wait for surgery on the still unknown "mass". Whole new ballgame. Better because pain is managed, worse because you get to see... well, what it could become. Worse also because you feel almost like an imposter, you might not have cancer, you could walk out of here without having to look back, when the next person over might not walk out at all.
And that's what happened. Major surgery to remove large tumour, which in the end is not cancer. I do not have cancer, i did not have cancer. I get to leave and not look back.
So that is what 2010 is. Not looking back.
Ok, so I've decided that 2010 is the year that exciting things are going to happen. Okay, maybe not even exciting, but at least good, maybe some great. 2009 was not always kind, not usually kind in fact. But in the end, it was the suck of 2009 that may make 2010 the best year yet.
In 2009 I was told I might have cancer. For 2 months I had that just sitting there....cancer.....on my brain. And let me tell you, my brain is very capable of freaking out without extra help. What do you do? What you don't do, fyi, is read anything on the internet. Did you know that ovarian cancer has some pretty bad stats? It does. And also, no one can really say anything to make you feel better. They will try, but mostly you sort-of want them to shut up because they don't know anything and you feel like you're supposed to make them feel better by being comforted by their words. So you sit and you wait and you cry and then you feel stupid for crying because you don't even KNOW for sure.
So then I was admitted to the hospital to wait for surgery on the still unknown "mass". Whole new ballgame. Better because pain is managed, worse because you get to see... well, what it could become. Worse also because you feel almost like an imposter, you might not have cancer, you could walk out of here without having to look back, when the next person over might not walk out at all.
And that's what happened. Major surgery to remove large tumour, which in the end is not cancer. I do not have cancer, i did not have cancer. I get to leave and not look back.
So that is what 2010 is. Not looking back.
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