Wow, It's 2010.

I'm pretty sure no one reads this anyway, so I've decided to really write it.

Ok, so I've decided that 2010 is the year that exciting things are going to happen. Okay, maybe not even exciting, but at least good, maybe some great. 2009 was not always kind, not usually kind in fact. But in the end, it was the suck of 2009 that may make 2010 the best year yet.

In 2009 I was told I might have cancer. For 2 months I had that just sitting there....cancer.....on my brain. And let me tell you, my brain is very capable of freaking out without extra help. What do you do? What you don't do, fyi, is read anything on the internet. Did you know that ovarian cancer has some pretty bad stats? It does. And also, no one can really say anything to make you feel better. They will try, but mostly you sort-of want them to shut up because they don't know anything and you feel like you're supposed to make them feel better by being comforted by their words. So you sit and you wait and you cry and then you feel stupid for crying because you don't even KNOW for sure.
So then I was admitted to the hospital to wait for surgery on the still unknown "mass". Whole new ballgame. Better because pain is managed, worse because you get to see... well, what it could become. Worse also because you feel almost like an imposter, you might not have cancer, you could walk out of here without having to look back, when the next person over might not walk out at all.
And that's what happened. Major surgery to remove large tumour, which in the end is not cancer. I do not have cancer, i did not have cancer. I get to leave and not look back.

So that is what 2010 is. Not looking back.